five things
by writtenby
Summary: Five stupid things that everyone does, and Natsume is no exception.


**disclaimer: **i don't own tonari no kaibutsu-kun aka my little monster.  
**title: **five things  
**summary: **Five stupid things that everyone does, and Natsume is no exception.  
**dedication: **haha this one is to _gokult _for inspiring me to write something for this fandom and also because nice people should get dedications and this is also to everyone who can relate to some of this crap bc i know i can so (because when i was like 8 i was trying to eat salad and chew gum and...yeah.) yah I HAVE SO MANY DEDICATIONS 2DAY this is bc i wont be writing for awhile so i have to get them all out uhhh. .. ... RIGHT. CARAMEL. DEDICATION TO CARAMEL AND MY FRENDS and chips aroy and banana :) y'all are the best and the gorgeous-iest.  
**notes: **originally named _ten things_, truncated due to the author's laziness...why am i not writing knobbly love oh thats right because its on my laptop and i can't be bothered to type my password in right now mhm also i could possibly update this as a two-shot bc of making it ten things again, but that'll have to wait for now. if y'all have suggestions for more stupid things that ppl do pls pm me or review SANKYUU also did anyone go to makah days and see this yellow schoolbus throwing out school supplies with the lakeside school banner on it PLS PLS PLS tell me if you did now im just ranting _enjoy_

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—_believing that you are the one person who a vicious animal won't bite—__  
_

Natsume is, most definitely, a high schooler, although Sasayan likes to say that she's too skinny and looks more like an anorexic middle schooler (but he's shorter anyways, so it doesn't matter). Being a high schooler comes with great responsibilities, such as volunteer hours and community service.

She figures that she can't really work with children much, because...children. There's no way she'd even think about standing hours behind a table serving soup to the homeless or working outside and chipping her manicures. So she has two options left — looking after elders, or working at an animal shelter. Her mom has always been scared of animals like _the poodle's gonna bite me _and _my oh my that fat cat has such sharp teeth _etc., so she's grown up coveting a pet and listening to pet stories she's never been able to translate to reality.

So that brings her to the present. Natsume Asako, sixteen years old, and a volunteer at the nearby Humane Society; currently in charge of the fattest, fluffiest, ginger-est looking fully grown cat she's ever seen. If the cat wasn't female, she'd name her Crookshanks. Her face has the same adorable lopsidedness, after all.

Wait, no. _His _face. The cat's a boy; what a surprise. Natsume feels stupid after the actual employee tells her that, because who enjoys looking like a dork on the first day of a new volunteer experience? Goddammit, she should have noticed that the mangy old cat had a _youknowwhat_.

"Be careful," the _female _employee says. "He bites. He hates humans — that's why no one's adopting him, obviously." Natsume rolls her eyes. It can't be that hard. All she needs to do is successfully put some food in the box. "Don't put your hands too close to him." But as Natsume brings the pan of dried cat food over (it smells pretty good, she kind of wants to taste some), she completely disregards that piece of advice.

If Natsume were a cat, she would want her food as close as possible, especially if she were so fat. If Natsume were a cat, she'd bite people who didn't put her food right in front of her. Just because he bit all the others, doesn't mean he'll bite her; she's super likable anyways. So she sticks her arms all the out and puts the food right in front of the cat's face. "Here ya go," she hums cheerfully, petting the cat on the head. See, he didn't bite—

"FUCK," she screams and shakes her hand frantically like it'll help. "FUCK IT BIT ME." The same employee looks kind of reproachfully at her and helps her disinfect and bandage the cut.

Later when Mitty calls her a complete idiot, she scoffs and tells her, "It wasn't my fault. It was Crookshank's."

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_—going to the beach and forgetting to wash the sand out—_

Japan's beaches are pretty nice, to be honest. The water is blue, and the [imported] sand is white and tropical. Natsume falls in love at first sight, and fashionably tears off her over clothes to dive into the water headfirst. Sasayan isn't blushing, but he's looking away, so she still feels good about it, then ends up putting all her clothes back on when she realizes that there are males around her and — _wow ew, guys, gross_.

Because Haru and Mitty are weird, they play cards on the beach towel. Sasayan and Natsume join them after being satisfied with the amount of beach glow bestowed upon them from playing a game of solo beach volleyball. The four of them sit down on the towel, but like always, sand gets on the towel and soon wriggles its way ("wow, why is sand so perverted" she asks; no one really answers) into the crevices of their clothes and swimsuits. Natsume gets the brunt of it, mostly because she's wet and the sand clings.

Later that day, they head back to the hotel where they're staying, and dry Natsume sits down on the bed closest to the wall. Immediately, she stands back up. Then she sits back down. "Wow, I need a shower," she says to herself, so she gets up and goes to the bathroom, except then she remembers that Mitty's already in the shower. "Hurry up, Mitty, I need to use the shower!" she calls. No response.

She shrugs and sits down in the leather chair. Okay, wow. Natsume stands up again. "Hurry up, Mitty, my ass feels like sandpaper!"

"We don't care!" Haru calls from the next door room. She hears a vague "but i do" from Sasayan before it dies off, because Sasayan is nice and her best friend. Ahem. Best friend.

Japan's beaches are pretty nice, to be honest, however the walls of the hotels could definitely be thicker.

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_—to stare at the sun to see if it hurts and then hurting__—_

"Wow, it's so sunny even though it's autumn," she notes as she and Sasayan walk to school. No one responds and Natsume finds that the sunlight begins to make her depressed. "It's so sunny, why is it so sunny."

"Just let the sun be a sun," Sasayan says, ever the laidback one. "Look, it's just being a sun."

"It's too bright, what the hell," Natsume grouches. When she's in a bad mood, she can get stubborn and extremely grumpy. "It hurts my eyes." She looks up to prove her point, and ends up staring for as long as she can at the sun, trying to find the point when she gets blinded. Maybe if she went blind, the sun would be guilty and stop shining so fucking brightly.

But then again, if she went blind, she wouldn't be able to relish the joy of seeing the sun not being a sun.

"Ow," Natsume says eloquently. "Did you know that looking at the sun hurts your eyes?"

Sasayan shrugs and takes her stupidity in stride. "Yeah."

"Of course you did. If you didn't you'd be an idiot."

"...yeah, I guess." Sasayan shrugs again.

"The sun is such a horrible little thing, it hurts people everywhere." Natsume looks up at it again. "Does it really hurt that much? I bet I can stare at the sun for a really really long___—okay ow, that hurt_."

Sasayan shrugs.

"Stop shrugging, you midget! Hey, _ow_, what the hell, sun?!"

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___—thinking that you can eat gum and food at the same time, except you can't____—_

Natsume snaps her gum loudly, fidgeting in her seat.

"Come help make the salad," Mitty says, to no one in particular as she grabs a bowl and waits for one of the three lazy friends to come and help her do something. Haru points out that he shouldn't have to help, because he let them make chicken___—chicken._ And Sasayan says that since he's gonna be the one running the booth, since he's the only person actually capable of interacting with people, he shouldn't have to make the food, either._____  
_

So Natsume tries to find a similarly acceptable reason. "I'm...eating...gum?"

"Spit it out," Mitty orders and rolls her eyes. Natsume stares at her in horror. She just opened it two minutes ago! And she only has one left and it's her favorite flavor, the triple-decker strawberry cantaloupe kiwi.

"No," she replies. "I can't."

"It doesn't matter, just come make the salad," Mitty commands, again. Natsume complies, dragging herself out of her soft, cushioned, comfortable (extremely hard) wooden chair. They stand in silence and make the salad, while the boys talk among themselves.

When they're done, Natsume immediately wants the first taste. She's still chewing her gum, so she has two choices: spit it out or eat the salad with the gum tucked in the corner of her mouth. Of _course _she chooses the latter...she only has one of that flavor left and it's her favorite flavor. Besides, it's just multi-tasking with her mouth. She's good at multitasking in real life. Every day she does her homework, watches TV, texts Mitty, and paints her nails at the same time.

So she sticks the gum in the corner of her mouth and shoves a piece of fresh lettuce drizzled with Caesar in her mouth. Inevitably...

"GUYS HELP I SWALLOWED MY GUM WHAT DO I DO ITS GOING TO GET STUCK IN MY FOOD PIPE THING AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT AND THEN I'LL GET SURGERY AND I'LL GET CUT OPEN AND DIE BECAUSE I CAN'T POOP OUT GUM CALL 911 PLEASE SOMEONE SASAYAN HARU MITTY PLEASE," Natsume wails.

"Calm down. Just leave it there and see what happens," Sasayan consoles her.

"ARE YOU USING ME AS A TEST EXPERIMENT BECAUSE I COULD DIE SASAYAN DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE IS THAT IT?"

"No, because I like you."

Natsume quiets down and sits like an obedient child.

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___—checking yourself out in a reflective window and then realizing someone's behind it____—_

She's the not the type to really get worried about her appearance, surprisingly enough. A lot of people call her cute, but honestly, it's the way she is. She's never tried to be cute. Sure, she wears makeup and combs her hair every morning, but she doesn't take the hour typical of a girl her age.

Sometimes, though, she's curious as to why every single guy in the world just thinks she's so amazingly cute.

On Natsume's way home, she has to walk by this street that's always filled with cars. The strange purple house always seems to be throwing a party, and the blue house people are always playing golf or croquet in the front yard. It's a large front yard, and if Natsume had a house and yard that big, she would golf all the time in her front yard too (not really, because she doesn't golf, but okay).

But anyways, because she's curious, she rummages her purse for a mirror. Her curiosity chooses the worst times to flare up. It'd honestly be so much easier if she were already at home, but she's not so she uses the next best thing - car windows.

So she stops in front of this large van with large clear windows that reflect her gorgeous face extremely well. _'Hm_,' Natsume thinks to herself. _'I guess I'm pretty darn cute.' _

She turns her face this way and that way, and all the ways seem to radiate one conclusion - that guys are right, that she _is _cute - except guys can't be right, ever, so her cute is right and their cute isn't. It's a matter of the way the word is said. There's a difference between, "kawaii!" and, "kawaIIIII~~~~," of which she is the former, and not the latter. But then she looks straight forward, into a pair of brown eyes, and screams.

Natsume wobbles two steps backwards and one step forwards, flapping her arms and squeezing her eyes shut. Vaguely she can hear behind her a, "Natsume, are you alright? Sorry, mister, she was just checking herself out in your car window, yeah, I know it's strange, sorry again, thank you," ...oh, _Sasayan_.

Goddammit. But then, "Don't worry, Natsume, I think you're cute."

She takes his word for it, because he's not a guy, he's _Sasayan_, so he must be right.

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Natsume is kind of weird and stupid sometimes and sort of naive, but then again, she's just a little bit like everyone else.

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**written_by**


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